Secret
by Fafsernir
Summary: Owen had never faced the problem before, but now that he has to get help to change his bandages, he wonders if he shouldn't tell at least one person on the team.


_Hey, long time no see in this fandom! (I'm not dead. Just... away from the Torchwood fandom, I might say) I got a new ask, and seriously are you trying to kill me?_

 _I was asked on Tumblr (mel-writes-and-recs) to write Trans!Owen, which I have nothing against, I'm just really anxious because I don't want to offend anyone. So this is what I wrote, I hope it's okay and I really hope I'm not offending anyone. I was tempted to write a normal scene without any mention to it and just say "well that's it, it changed nothing, it's still Owen!" just for the joke, but I don't think the person asking wanted that ;) Anyway, enjoy!_

* * *

Owen quickly put on a shirt and got up from his couch, stumbling on his pants. He took them and put them on then opened the door, just so that bloody ring would stop.

"Hey!" Toshiko's enthusiastic voice said, and he groaned. "Yeah, I figured that would be your state. I brought breakfast," she smiled, holding up a bag.

He let her in, mumbling that she was too loud, and disappeared in his bathroom, taking a quick shower, swallowing medicine, and dressing. He liked Tosh a lot, she was brilliant and a good friend, but he would rather have his hungover alone, sometimes. As he got out of the bathroom and smelt the coffee, he thought back. Maybe it was better with her taking care of him.

"Hey, isn't your Mum's name Carol?" she asked, reading something on the table as she was filling two mugs with that miraculous beverage. Bless the inventor of coffee. Or bless the plant, whatever.

"Yeah, why?" He sat down, warming his hands with the burning mug.

"Who's Sarah then?" Tosh continued, frowning on the paper she was still captivated by.

Owen let go of his mug and threw himself on the table, taking the letters near Toshiko, only to push them off the table.

"Fuck," he groaned, slumping back in his chair.

"I don't recall the mention of a sister in your file."

"Tosh, just... drop it, okay?" he snapped.

Screw his mother. She hadn't even changed, after all these years. They didn't talk, he didn't even understand why she had suddenly sent him a letter. And with his luck, Toshiko of all people had seen it, seen the name. God, how he hated that name.

"You know I can easily find the answer, right?" she smiled in her mug. "I won't, I won't," she added quickly at his glare. "Look, I'm just worried about you. I'm here if you want to talk."

"I'm too hungover for this," he mumbled.

She didn't answer and the conversation didn't pick up from there. They made their way into the Torchwood Hub later, still in silence, and didn't mention the name after.

* * *

Owen regretted shutting Tosh off that quickly. Trust was an important part of their jobs, and he was afraid that she would start hiding things from him just because she now knew he did. But she hadn't talked about it again. Maybe he was a bit disappointed. So what if she knew? It didn't change anything. Plus, he really needed help to change his bandages, because he couldn't do it alone this time.

He sighed, cursing the – dead – alien who had shot him, and walked to Toshiko, determined. He had been thinking about telling her over and over, and he thought that someone knowing might help. At least for bandages, if nothing else.

"Come here a sec," he said to his friend, walking into his own workplace after a last glance to make sure that everyone was out.

"What's happening?"

"Nothing dangerous, but... huh..." And now he couldn't find the right words. He could still use the plain words. Wasn't it a bit too plain? "I-I'm..." Nope, he just couldn't.

"Is it about the other day? When I was over at your place?" she asked, smiling. He nodded, trying to search for a lie, now. "It's okay. I know."

"You... know?" he gaped. What? What?! "What?"

"Well, I figured... I mean, there weren't a lot of possibilities, really."

Damn Tosh and her intelligence. Had she really guessed? "Wha-What do you think you know?"

"Obviously, you have a twin sister named Sarah, who is a secret spy and gave your mother your address."

Owen stared at her. Maybe it was an okay lie. Too big, but if she believed it... "Y-yeah..."

"Owen, I'm kidding!" she laughed. "I'm just sorry your mother doesn't accept your gender," she added more seriously, patting his arm.

"It's... Wait, you... are you serious? You don't... care?"

"Care? Of course I care, I care about everyone here. Do I care that you were mis-gendered when you were young? Yeah, because now I get why you hate talking about your childhood. But that doesn't change anything."

"Shit." That was all Owen could say. He hadn't expected that reaction. He was ready to run away and never admit it to anyone. He had been doing fine by himself. But now Tosh knew, and she had reacted like this and... it felt oddly good.

He had wanted to talk about it, before going to her, but now that she accepted it so easily, as if he had just told her that... that he liked science! He didn't really want to talk about it. Was he dreaming? Maybe he was. If so, his dreams sure lost more and more of their interests.

"You okay?" Toshiko frowned after a moment.

"Yeah... Yup," he nodded, then remembered why he had been there in the first place. "Oh!" he exclaimed as he took his shirt off.

"What are you doing?!"

"I needed help with those bloody bandages, they won't come off, and I need help to change them," he explained, trying to take them off without success.

"Ooh," Tosh nodded and helped him. She paused for a second, then took new bandages. "Is that why you tried to tell me?"

"... Maybe."

"Wait, does that mean that if you had been shot at in the same way as the other night... You would have been forced to tell us sooner?" she asked, working at the same time.

Owen thought about it, then shrugged. "Dunno."

She smiled to him and finished in silence, patting his shoulders after. She left him alone to his thoughts when it was clear that he wasn't much in the talking mood – so back to his usual mood.

"Thanks!" he remembered to shout at her. He heard her chuckle, but she didn't answer.

He stared at his shaking hands, sighing. He had always thought about telling someone in the team, but it had always been a bad moment. And delicate to talk about. He had seen enough bad reactions to still be scared to death to say it, even if he knew they wouldn't care. And it mostly didn't matter. He didn't see the point in walking around, telling people that his mother still called him Sarah because she was too dumb to accept his gender. Well, actually it did matter in Torchwood, but he was the doctor there, and he was aware of his own condition, it had to be enough.

Now Toshiko knew. And it changed nothing, she still acted the same around him. She didn't comment, didn't even try to ask questions about it, and later reassured him that she wouldn't tell his former name to anyone. He had appreciated it, and had appreciated even more the fact that she didn't once try to talk him into telling the others. Maybe he would tell them, in time. Only if it was necessary. Maybe Jack already knew, it wouldn't really surprised him. Ianto too, he could know things without anyone realising that he knew.

Owen shook his head, checking his bandages, satisfied by Tosh's work. He had probably freaked out about this for nothing, but he felt as if a weight had been taken off his shoulders. In the end, it was a bit like Jack's constant flirting with anyone – anything – they met. It was good to acknowledge, but at the end of the day, it didn't really matter. Smiling at the thought, Owen started to tidy the morgue, in his own special sense of tidiness.


End file.
